I am not sure how I got the luck of the draw but all of my passions in life have been activities that are predominately male-dominated. Skateboarding, technology, guitar and more recently cycling are interests that have a lack of female representation. As a young adult none of my role models were women: I looked up to male rock stars, skateboarders and technology geeks. When I grew up I wanted to be Tony Hawk, not Cheryl Sandberg.
So, I have always lived my life being the only girl in the room.
In the field of technology, I am a part of a community of women engineers who occupy this same position as the only woman in the room. June Sugiyama, director of Vodafone America Foundation, describes herself as “used to being one of the only women in the room.” Erin Burrell, a women technology professional, and writer for Code Like a Girl describe herself as being “the only woman on the team, the only woman in the leadership group, the only woman in the class.” Scientist Ellen Pollack wrote a book about her experience as a woman in science, aptly named The Only Woman in the Room. Women are so far and few in science, engineering, and technology, especially in senior-level positions, that we all share the common bond of being the only woman in a room full of men.
And this position doesn’t come without pain. People tend to fear what they don’t understand, what is different… and what can be sometimes intimidating. CNN recently published an article about the difficulties working as an “only” in the workplace. According to the article “onlies” — for example, the only woman, the only LGBTQ person, the only handicapable person or the only person of color or an ethnicity are more likely to experience subtle forms of biases and aggression.
…And it can be annoying, frustrating and exhausting. When I was a younger professional I tried hard to just blend in. And in doing so I not only tolerated the biases and aggression, but did so in a way that gave the impression that it was okay. Now that I am older, I respectfully speak out. No matter how hard I try, I am not going to blend in. So, I mine as well try to evoke a little change.
If you find yourself as an “only,” understand that you are not alone. As you are trying to hold your own as the only person like you in the room, know that someone out there is doing the same. Just your presence is helping better the path for future professionals. Be proud of yourself, lead with integrity and know that you may be the alone in the room…. but you are not alone in this world. There is a community of us out there. We understand you, appreciate you and we are you!